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'Mind reading' happens when we assume we know what someone is thinking when we don't. Have you ever taken an instant disliking/liking to someone merely because they reminded you of someone else who you disliked/liked? Because they in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all.When you stop doing it, you really begin to respect someone's privacy because everyone deserves the right to have space to think their own thoughts. The extreme form of this 'sloppy comparison' can lead to destructive over-generalizations such as, "All men are lying bastards! "If you suspect you have been making faulty unfair comparisons between your current partner and a former one, then write a list of all the destructive traits of your former partner.No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time.Being too black or white about relationships spells trouble.Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly.This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past."I'm driving him away, I just know I am," she sniffed. If I don't know exactly where he is I get suspicious. Let's look at this in more depth: When we enter an intimate relationship we can feel very emotionally vulnerable; especially if we have felt let down or hurt in previous relationships. When we become anxious about anything, we start looking for signs of things 'going wrong' (nervous flyers look out for signs that the aircraft is in trouble). But we all need the comforts and support that intimacy can bring us."It's just that I love him so much and I can't bear the thought of losing him! These are the typical thoughts and feelings of the chronically insecure partner. And, of course, we usually find what we're looking for, even if it isn't really there at all. So what can you do if insecurity is blighting your relationships?

This may sound strange, but feeling that: "This relationship must be exactly as I think it should be! A sign of insecurity in relationships is when the desire for certainty becomes too strong.There are always some difficulties, but keep focussing on what is good.This doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone who will accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you. Insecurity drives people to become too 'clingy' or needy and this creates problems. She couldn't possibly understand what he could see in her. Emma said she had often felt inadequate and "not good enough" to be with her current partner.




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